-
Back to the list
-
Come on baby to my sex party
Willkomen to my sex party
New Year's Eve time for a sex party
German porn's my only sex party
Come a little closer
I got you something to see
Come a little closer
Come on closer to me
Come to my sex party
Wiener Schnitzel und a sex party
Health tonic it oughta fuck you up
Sauerkraut und a sex party
It'll be just like in Germany
Farfergnhugen und a sex party
Adolph Hitler oughta fuck you up
In my pants it's a sex party
In my pants and everyone comes
Come a little closer
I got you something to see
Come a little closer
We'll watch it there on TV
Come a little closer
Hear the music play
Come a little closer
It's all cabaret
Come little closer
It's all German porn
Come little closer
Before the pages get torn
Volkswagen und a sex party
Adolph Hitler oughta fuck you up
Back to the list
-
Hey I worry
I'm feeling kind of sore
I'm lying on the floor
I can't do nothing more
You got it
You're hoarding Pepto-Bismol
You leave me dark and dismal
Life's just so abysmal
My ulcer
There's not that kind of time
I'm just not feeling fine
I think I'll sit and whine
I never said
Hey Hey Ulcer Girl
Burned a hole right through my world
Left me at the bar
You drove away now you've gone so far
And my guts inside a jar
And it left a scar
Back to the list
-
Hey dig my bag I'm at the local laundry
Making the happiest duds you did ever see
Scrapin' bits of soap from all the other machines
Hard to get used to this always staying clean
Trying to kick the habit down in the laundromat
Along comes this cat . . .
I'm not so gallant when my washload's unbalanced
Hey hey so nice
Can you touch my sock, sir
Hey hey so nice
Care for take a walk, sir
Hey hey so nice
Do you wash here often
Hey hey so nice
Can I feel up your cotton
All night long down there it's me, my clothes and thee
Tryin' to rig the slots so we get the wash for free
We share a wash to split the cost to spend on drinks
I should have guessed the way you dressed you'd bleed me pink
You made your move right then and said I'm looking sturdy
I feel so dirty . . .
Back to the list
-
Why try describe
The number left in line
It makes me wanna cry/die
Breaks me out in hives
When e'er I try to strive
It helps me just survive
I won't take no bribes
Ain't gonna take no dive
If I can't get that jive/vibe
5
If it takes all day
I'm gonna make ya pay
To get y'all to say
A
Every single day
It never gets away
This letter just says "Hey"
A
Gonna need a towel
It's gonna make ya howl
It's not just any vowel
A
5
Back to the list
-
I'm hip on the new craze
It's been around for days
Cool dudes know
Even frat boys go
The title's apt
It's rave rave rave
Mindless I'm displaced
Expressionless I'm gazed
I'm in ecstasy
Just wait and see
I'll say it's just a phase
Forty bucks I'm on my way
Be gone to the break of day
I'm told to hold
Onto my blindfold
It's just for safety's sake
I've taken all these drugs
We'll mosh around like thugs
The band's not live
It's ten to five
The night's still very young
Well I love your blue-dyed hair
Neon fashions that you wear
I'm so punch-drunk
It's cyberpunk
This techno's got such flair
Barn or warehouse I'll be there
'Til the cops bust in our lair
Names on their list
They slap our wrists
Now we're a current affair
Back to the list
-
Chorus:
She could bend a sword in her hand
She could rule a big foreign land
Her cookin's always spicy not bland
Her escape pod's already manned/And then she'll form a rock'n'roll band
She could bend a sword in her hand
There's many stories I know
This one's as good as gold
A formidable foe
Chorus
She came right up to me
Said, Al, you plainly see,
Bust out a do-re-mi
Chorus
You see her comin' up a dark alley
You gonna fuck with her
I don't think so
This is the very last verse
Things couldn't get much worse
She left us in a hearse
Chorus
Watch it
Back to the list
-
8. Bela
Bela takes a while
Says I still can
Gets him to the church with prayin' hands
He takes out a file and plays da sham
Break out a bottle, we're on the lam!
Chorus:
Sure, it'll be out soon
No, I don't know if I like that band
I don't know if I gonna be out soon
If the cops show up tell 'em E Pluribus Unum
Columbus
Nobody cares
Who makin' money
'Thad E. Care'
Bunch a lame crap¾Go away
Far away
Crusty blather
Chorus
Back to the list
-
Gotta big head
Fulla ideas
Gotta think hard
Fulla wires and wheels
She had to build them
Didn't know what she had
Now she wants to kill them
And I'm feeling real sad
So I wanna tell the captain
Yo man I think they can feel
So I'm seeking out the chaplain
So I'm bustin' out the real deal
All alone in the universe
I been programmed
Sold them
I can't let them make it worse
I got this one chance
I know I gotta put it right
Or else this whole thing's
Gonna keep me up for half the night
The humans wanna drop em off like they was fishin' bait
I ask em myself, holy shit, they can't communicate
She had to build them
Didn't know what she had
Now she wants to kill them
And I'm feeling real mad
All alone in a place so vast
Won't be so quick to act so fast
Back to the list
-
Get on up
Get back down
See the light
Like a sign on the highway
Tellin' you
Congestion ahead
No room
For anybody don't see my way
No room
When you're dead
Chorus:
The road to Hell is bumper to bumper
Beat 'em down with their long correction rods
Rock stars when they burn wish they'd made a
U-turn straight to God
Come on taste the blasphemy with me
Eat of my flesh
Drink of my blood
Eat eat eat
Eat me
God's in a limo
He come to repo
He got the vino
I tell ya we know
He's the man
Ain't no scam
Tell me Sam
Say goddamn
God told me in the bar
He don't approve of the foreign cars
He's gonna tell ya where it's at
When he slaps ya on the back
That's a crack
Then he say
Get on up
Get back down
Traffic jam backed up all the way
Everybody busts out in a rock opera song
Hell's full of this kind of thing every day
I been there for so long
Chorus
Back to the list
-
Tunguska Blast of Nineteen-Eight
Some call it Karma, call it fate
The trees left standing¾central trait
What could have left it in that state
Twenty-five years before
Astronauts land on moon's floor
Neil and Buzz set straight the score
Al Sharp was born and nothing more
Al Sharp dreams of monsters tall
He fights them up against the wall
The Seven Dwarves have come to call
The Pisa Tower¾when will it fall?
The Men in Black have come to stay
They've come to keep the Huns at bay
Not even old Roy Cohn can say
Just what will make them go away
Back to the list
-
I could take this rock
And smash your brain inside
I could knock the gray matter
Where all your memories hide
I could kick your cranium
And spill your blood real nice
I could blow it all away
'Til you forget your life
Chorus:
That's what I could do
If I really wanted to
I could light this match
And flay your skin alive
I could dump the gasoline
And taunt you as you fry
I could singe your eyebrows off
Your lips and tongue and hair
I might char your blackened bones
Tho' you plead that it's not fair
Chorus
I might push you off the roof
and watch your organs slide
I'll wait by the windowsill
Until the police arrive
I'll come to your funeral
And dance upon your grave
I'll dig you up and take you out
Rub dirt into your face
Chorus
It's a gift from me to you
Back to the list
-
Spider
Back to the list
-
Wheelin'
Dealin'
Stealin'
Smokin' banana peelins
Rollin'
Strollin'
Bowlin'
Cash my chips and go
Back to the river
Hopped up in a Flivver
My dice make em shiver
Cuz I'm the love-giver
Yeah I make em quiver
A quantity of liver is all I need right now
Slicin'
Dicin'
Spicin'
Takin' erythromycin
Smokin'
Tokin'
Chokin'
Bet it 'til I go broke
Shoot Atlantic City
Naw it sure ain't pretty
This town ain't got no pity
I'm just tryin to look witty
Get a little ditty
Just to put it in the kitty
What else am I due
Hockin'
Clockin'
Shockin'
Slot machines come mockin'
Lyin'
Cryin'
Dyin'
Pawn my axe for buyin'
Back to the river
Hopped up in a Flivver
My dice make em shiver
Cuz I'm the love-giver
Yeah I make em quiver
A quantity of liver
That's all I have to say
I call him Gamblor
It's such a shandor
I appreciate his candor
But it's never been me heretofore
Back to the list
Return to the Planet Of Pants Page
We have no secrets. Below you will find most of the lyrics to the songs on our new album. For those of you fortunate enough to already be familiar with
our music, here you will find the answers to your most burning desires: to know what Chris and Al were screaming over the music. For the
uninitiated, you can read the words without the music, and attempt to get a vague idea of what we might sound like. Sadly, you will have only part of
the equation. To fully appreciate the genius of this poetry, you must understand it in terms of our music. Thus, the incentive to buy the album. Or better
yet, DON'T read the lyrics below and just make up your own, like Nelson does!
Maybe you should just go to our Old Lyrics page and continue to live the lie.